Day 2

Well, today did not start out so well. I got up at 6, got cleaned up and dressed. Got the kidlet up and ready for school. I took my meds right away and tried to clear my head. I carry around a lot of negativity, mainly directed at myself. I know that it is unhealthy and that I need to let it go. So each morning I try to remove the negative voices in my head.

I got the kidlet on the bus. And instead of going for my walk like I should have done, I looked around at the darkness, shivered, and went inside. I had a fruit cup (pears packed in water) and went back to bed.

Where I slept until 11:30.


Really? Ugh. I had way too much to do today to have stayed in bed all morning. I am battling some depression and I am just not sure what to do about it. I have no insurance. I can barely afford my thyroid meds. So, my only choice is to just DEAL. Which, as you can see, I am not very good at doing.

I got up, again told myself that it was ok, to not go all crazy and beat myself up over it, and I came down stairs. I made a tuna sammich on whole wheat with just a smidge of miracle whip, a slice of cheese and a ton of lettuce-y things. I also had a serving of tostitos and some salsa. And a Coke Zero. Not the best choice there, but I am trying to phase the soda out. It is the one thing I cannot give up all willy-nilly. I had not had any soda since Saturday, so I am doing better!

No alcohol since Saturday either. I had a beer at a cousins party that day, and a half of a Dr. Pepper. The rest of that day I drank water.

I like my rum. It is no secret. I am part Pirate .. *winks*
And on the nights that Survivor is on, the hubby and I always have a drink. I am going to miss that very much. I tried to justify it many, many ways. "But this is what we have always done!" "It won't be the same!" "It will just be a Wednesday night!"

Bullshit. If it is here, we will drink it. Not every night. But Wednesday will lead into Friday and Saturday.. Bah. No. I want to lose this weight. And if I can't put off the Captain to do that, then I cannot really want it all that bad.

Hell, if I cannot put off the Captain, then there is a larger problem than my weight.. yah know?

Anyway, going for a walk now since I missed it this morning. I have a healthy dinner on deck, and my snacks lined up as well. I will not let my morning ruin the rest of this day..

Until tomorrow...